Stupid?

Would it be stupid to ask for another chance? I still want to be with you. I want to make things right, I want to take a risk again and maybe we could end up happy this time? Its just that we started in a wrong way and I know that there was something in there. Its hard to explain it all. But what I am trying to say is I just want to try being with you, that's all. You've hurt me so many times that I can't even keep count but I am willing to forget all that just so you could be with me.

I really am stupid, am I? I guess I am desperate. But I don't care anymore. Tell me what to do? What else do I have to do just so you could be with me? There is this pain in my heart that I can't contain any longer. It's like I want to explode or something.

(unfinished)

Why Do I Love You?

why do i love you?

even though you don't notice me

you may not love me but i am still here

loving you completely.

why do i love you?

even though you love someone new

why am i so crazy about you?

do i have to endure this pain

just to love you?

why do i love you?

miss you like crazy part 1

may mga bagay na panahon lang ang makapagtuturo sayo. tulad ng kung gaano mo kamahal ang isang tao. madalas, nalalaman mo lang kung gaano mo siya kamahal pag wala na siya sayo. and when you lose that person, you lose a part of yourself too. umaasa ka nalang na sa paglipas ng panahon maibabalik mo kung anong nawala sayo. o kung hindi na mababalik ang dati, babaguhin nalang ng panahon ang lahat ng bagay. pero bakit parang hindi binabago ng panahon ang puso mo? bakita kahit na alam mong tapos na ang lahat, pilit mong binabalikan yung simula. palagi mong tinatanong;

"paano kaya kung mas minahal mo siya?"

"paano kaya kung di mo nalang siya minahal?"

"paano kaya kung di nalang kayo nagkakilala?"

para mabura nalang siya sa alaala mo.

miss you like crazy part 2

pano kaya kung noong nagkatagpo kayo, ibang tao ka at ibang tao din siya?

sa ibang pagkakataon?

sa ibang lugar?

sa ibang panahon?

maiiba din kaya ang tadhana niyo?

kayo parin ba ang para sa isa't isa?

daming tanong no?

dear blog

im sad. how do i make things right again? how do i make wrong things right? i feel so empty. i feel incomplete. everyday, ang sakit sakit. how can i be happy again? how do i make myself whole again? parang kinuha niya lahat ng meron ako. wala ng natira para sakin. sobra sobra na yung sakit. i want to be happy again.

alam mo kung ano yung malungkot? yun yung galit na galit ka sa isang tao pero isang "hi" or isang "hello" o konting "i miss you" lang galing sakaniya, nawawala na yung galit mo. parang bang may powers yung hi at hello niya. kaya niyang tunawin yung mga emotion mo. kaya niya paikutin yung utak at puso mo. tapos ikaw, nagpapadala ka naman. hindi ka na natuto. at mukang kahit kailan, hindi ka na talaga matututo. bakit ka ba ganyan? sino ba siya? lalake lang naman siya ah. kailan ka ba niya pinahalagahan? kailan niya pinaramdam sayo na mahal ka rin niya? kailan siya tumabi sayo nung panahon na kailangan mo siya? iniwan ka nga niya sa ere eh. lahat ng mga binitawan niyang salita noon, nasaan na ngayon? wala siyang tinupad kahit isa don. wala siyang ipinakita sayo kahit isa sa mga sinabi niya. nakuha niya lang ang gusto niya, nagiba na bigla ang ihip ng hangin. tapos ikaw, nagpapaloko ka naman. hinahayaan mo lang. sana matuto ka na. tigilan mo na yan. naaawa na ako sayo eh. pag nakikita kita na nagkakaganyan ka, naiisip ko ang tanga tanga mo. ano bang meron siya at nagiging tanga ka pag nagpaparamdam siya? gumising ka naman. iumpog mo na ang sarili mo sa pader. tama na yan. masyado ka nang nagiging tanga para sa isang tao na hindi naman nararapat ng atensyon mo. gumising ka na. ikaw lang ang nagiging kawawa sa ginagawa mo eh. tapos sa huli niyan, magagalit ka nanaman, tapos konting paramdam lang niya, okay ka na ulit. paulit ulit ka nalang na ganyan eh. tama na yan. mahalin mo naman ang sarili mo. wag kang asa ng asa sa isang tao na wala namang pagasa magbago. wag ka ng maghintay. tama na. tapusin mo na yan. masyado ka nang nagaaksaya ng oras para sakaniya. hindi lang sakaniya umiikot ang mundo. hindi lang siya ang lalake sa mundo. ayoko na marinig na nagsisisi ka. ayoko na marinig na nagmumuka ka nanamang tanga. nagmamakaawa ako sayo, wag mo ibaling ang atensyon mo sa isang tao na hindi ka man lang nakikita, ang dami daming tao sa paligid mo na handang magmahal sayo at nandiyan para sayo at di ka kayang iwanan. wag na siya. wag na sakaniya. sana matutunan mo na mahalin ang sarili mo. sana wag ka na masyadong magpakatanga. sana mag move on ka na. madaming tao sa mundo, hindi lang siya.

you cannot control the things that happened to you but you can control the way you react to them.

I Guess You Never Will

you never fail to amaze me. you always make me feel like shit and then I just always take it. I always take your crap, your pathetic attitude, your clever ways, it just drives me nuts! to the point where i want to hate you and yet i still can't. I really want to hate you but, I am such a fucking moron. I always think that somehow, maybe, you'll see that I am right here in front of you. that maybe you can take a chance on me. But no! you don't see that. you don't see me. Here I am, always ready to stop what I am doing and run to you. Here I am always here for you, always waiting for you, always allowing you to treat me like a rag and there you are, all you do is make me feel like crap. all you do is make me hate myself because of you. You know what, there are so many guys out there in this world and i wonder why do i have to live with myself loving someone like you? why does it have to be you? I sincerely regret ever knowing you. I sincerely regret liking you, wasting my time on you, doing you favors and accepting all that you are and how you treat me. I hope someday you feel how it is to be me. I hope you grow up one day and realize how much your life is a mess and then regret the way you were treating me. I hope one day you wake up and see me for what I really am, not just your booty call but a woman with feelings. I am already hurting too much, and even I am surprised that I could take this much pain in my heart. I have been holding on for too long because I'm still hoping you'll change. But I guess you never will. I am tired, Ive been saying this even in my past blogs, I am so emotionally physically mentally tired of your games. I want to say that I am giving up, but I am afraid that I might eat my words one day. But I guess there is nothing I can do but try. I am gonna try to change not for you but for myself. I'm really hoping that you change too. But I guess you never will.

i guess its really time to say goodbye..

I'm Already Gone

I think its enough that you changed me

you changed everything in me

the way i think and the things i do

I am thankful for all the things you did for me

and the way you made me feel

you were someone special

and ill never forget you, thats a promise

but right now i have to love myself more

coz the sad truth is that i love you more than i love me

i need to love myself more

to be able to do that, i have to let you go

in every corner of my mind

i have to let go the memories of you

well i know you wouldn't care at all

you wouldn't even notice if i disappear

so this is final

for the last time

I NEED TO

I SHOULD

AND I HAVE TO

LET YOU GO.

goodbye kris

it was fun while it lasted

Tired, Tired Tired!

im tired im tired im fucking tired!

im tired of putting in more effort than i deserve.

im tired of craving for your attention.

im tired of loving you more and more each and everyday

and yet you dont even give a fuck damn shit!

im tired of it all.

im tired of you.

im tired of my thoughts of you.

im tired of my feelings for you, you dont even deserve it.

im tired of feeling like a dog stalking your every move.

im tired of waiting and waiting and then waiting.

IM TIRED! SO FUCK YOU! IM LEAVING YOU!

SANA HINDI NALANG KITA NAKILALA. IKAW ANG PINAKAMALAKING MISTAKE NA NANGYARE SA BUHAY KO.

Please Love Me Back

here comes the morning again. the sun's about to shine. i'm about to wake up.

can't i just sleep forever? can't the night just remain forever?

I want to close my eyes. I don't want to see anything.

please don't act like this. you don't know how much this pains me.

I'm standing right here and yet you don't even see me.

don't you care at all? Was I the only one who fall?

can't you even look at me? all i'm asking is just a second.

I look tired and I'm a disaster, but I am here.

unrequited i know i am, but you're free to love me back.

you're free to love me back... so can you please love me back?

story of my love life. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBk3ynRbtsw

written by: ianthe

i miss you so much! can you help me how to let you go? can you teach me not to want you more? its been a week since we last talked and it really feels like forever in my world.

so here i am. im just gonna go and hide and cry now okay? k thx bye

April 25 2011

[03:23] <__> d ako ngbibiro nung sinabi ko i cant resist u

[03:23] <__> kasi once kinausap na kita

[03:23] <__> time goes by so fast

[03:23] <__> d ko namamalayan

[03:23] <__> and i cant have that

[03:24] <__> in my world..where books are your bestfriend..

[03:24] <__> transes are your vitamins..

[03:24] <__> lectures are your supplements..

[03:24] <__> gets?

[03:25] <__> so one day.. pag d ako nkarep

[03:25] <__> dont feel bad

[03:25] <``> :)

[03:25] <__> it's just a day

[03:25] <__> there's always the next day.. =)

NASAN NA YUNG NEXT DAY? DI NA DUMATING. PARANG EVERYDAY IS ALWAYS JUST A DAY. HINDI NA DUMATING YUNG NEXT DAY.

I know that the guy that sent me these messages is still down there inside of you

K (5/6/2011 1:58:18 AM): gus2 ko na ng complicated

K (5/6/2011 1:58:24 AM): pagbibigyan mo ba ako?

K (5/6/2011 2:00:40 AM): d ako lasing

K (5/6/2011 2:00:47 AM): alam ko pinagsasabi ko

K (5/6/2011 2:01:13 AM): naisip ko lng kasi masyado akong maraming opportunity na sinasayang

I (5/6/2011 2:01:30 AM): hah??

K (5/6/2011 2:01:34 AM): and i feel na ok tau pero mag aaway tau lagi

K (5/6/2011 2:01:40 AM): pero ok tau

K (5/6/2011 2:09:58 AM): after our eb..

K (5/6/2011 2:10:02 AM): let's try dating..

I (5/6/2011 2:10:17 AM): hmmmmmm

I (5/6/2011 2:10:24 AM): complicated yun.

I (5/6/2011 2:10:30 AM): hehehe

K (5/6/2011 2:10:37 AM): i know..

I (5/6/2011 2:10:53 AM): and....?

K (5/6/2011 2:11:17 AM): i dont even know if i can stand it knowing na you have other guys out there..hahaha

K (5/6/2011 2:11:27 AM): but who cares.. i just wanna try being with you

K (5/6/2011 2:11:36 AM): if it works.. then it works

K (5/6/2011 2:11:49 AM): pero sa tingin ko tlga away tau ng away

I (5/6/2011 2:12:27 AM): are you sure you're not gonna wake up tomorrow and not regret saying all this things?

K (5/6/2011 2:12:38 AM): maybe i will.. maybe i wont..

I (5/6/2011 2:13:24 AM): ayoko replayan yung mga sinasabi mo coz im afraid na pag nagising ka tomorrow, bigla kang matauhan and bawiin mo lahat ng sinabi mo, and then i'd ffeel like a total fool.

K (5/6/2011 2:13:40 AM): hahaha.. just think about it then