miss you like crazy part 1

may mga bagay na panahon lang ang makapagtuturo sayo. tulad ng kung gaano mo kamahal ang isang tao. madalas, nalalaman mo lang kung gaano mo siya kamahal pag wala na siya sayo. and when you lose that person, you lose a part of yourself too. umaasa ka nalang na sa paglipas ng panahon maibabalik mo kung anong nawala sayo. o kung hindi na mababalik ang dati, babaguhin nalang ng panahon ang lahat ng bagay. pero bakit parang hindi binabago ng panahon ang puso mo? bakita kahit na alam mong tapos na ang lahat, pilit mong binabalikan yung simula. palagi mong tinatanong;

"paano kaya kung mas minahal mo siya?"

"paano kaya kung di mo nalang siya minahal?"

"paano kaya kung di nalang kayo nagkakilala?"

para mabura nalang siya sa alaala mo.

miss you like crazy part 2

pano kaya kung noong nagkatagpo kayo, ibang tao ka at ibang tao din siya?

sa ibang pagkakataon?

sa ibang lugar?

sa ibang panahon?

maiiba din kaya ang tadhana niyo?

kayo parin ba ang para sa isa't isa?

daming tanong no?

dear blog

im sad. how do i make things right again? how do i make wrong things right? i feel so empty. i feel incomplete. everyday, ang sakit sakit. how can i be happy again? how do i make myself whole again? parang kinuha niya lahat ng meron ako. wala ng natira para sakin. sobra sobra na yung sakit. i want to be happy again.

alam mo kung ano yung malungkot? yun yung galit na galit ka sa isang tao pero isang "hi" or isang "hello" o konting "i miss you" lang galing sakaniya, nawawala na yung galit mo. parang bang may powers yung hi at hello niya. kaya niyang tunawin yung mga emotion mo. kaya niya paikutin yung utak at puso mo. tapos ikaw, nagpapadala ka naman. hindi ka na natuto. at mukang kahit kailan, hindi ka na talaga matututo. bakit ka ba ganyan? sino ba siya? lalake lang naman siya ah. kailan ka ba niya pinahalagahan? kailan niya pinaramdam sayo na mahal ka rin niya? kailan siya tumabi sayo nung panahon na kailangan mo siya? iniwan ka nga niya sa ere eh. lahat ng mga binitawan niyang salita noon, nasaan na ngayon? wala siyang tinupad kahit isa don. wala siyang ipinakita sayo kahit isa sa mga sinabi niya. nakuha niya lang ang gusto niya, nagiba na bigla ang ihip ng hangin. tapos ikaw, nagpapaloko ka naman. hinahayaan mo lang. sana matuto ka na. tigilan mo na yan. naaawa na ako sayo eh. pag nakikita kita na nagkakaganyan ka, naiisip ko ang tanga tanga mo. ano bang meron siya at nagiging tanga ka pag nagpaparamdam siya? gumising ka naman. iumpog mo na ang sarili mo sa pader. tama na yan. masyado ka nang nagiging tanga para sa isang tao na hindi naman nararapat ng atensyon mo. gumising ka na. ikaw lang ang nagiging kawawa sa ginagawa mo eh. tapos sa huli niyan, magagalit ka nanaman, tapos konting paramdam lang niya, okay ka na ulit. paulit ulit ka nalang na ganyan eh. tama na yan. mahalin mo naman ang sarili mo. wag kang asa ng asa sa isang tao na wala namang pagasa magbago. wag ka ng maghintay. tama na. tapusin mo na yan. masyado ka nang nagaaksaya ng oras para sakaniya. hindi lang sakaniya umiikot ang mundo. hindi lang siya ang lalake sa mundo. ayoko na marinig na nagsisisi ka. ayoko na marinig na nagmumuka ka nanamang tanga. nagmamakaawa ako sayo, wag mo ibaling ang atensyon mo sa isang tao na hindi ka man lang nakikita, ang dami daming tao sa paligid mo na handang magmahal sayo at nandiyan para sayo at di ka kayang iwanan. wag na siya. wag na sakaniya. sana matutunan mo na mahalin ang sarili mo. sana wag ka na masyadong magpakatanga. sana mag move on ka na. madaming tao sa mundo, hindi lang siya.

you cannot control the things that happened to you but you can control the way you react to them.

I Guess You Never Will

you never fail to amaze me. you always make me feel like shit and then I just always take it. I always take your crap, your pathetic attitude, your clever ways, it just drives me nuts! to the point where i want to hate you and yet i still can't. I really want to hate you but, I am such a fucking moron. I always think that somehow, maybe, you'll see that I am right here in front of you. that maybe you can take a chance on me. But no! you don't see that. you don't see me. Here I am, always ready to stop what I am doing and run to you. Here I am always here for you, always waiting for you, always allowing you to treat me like a rag and there you are, all you do is make me feel like crap. all you do is make me hate myself because of you. You know what, there are so many guys out there in this world and i wonder why do i have to live with myself loving someone like you? why does it have to be you? I sincerely regret ever knowing you. I sincerely regret liking you, wasting my time on you, doing you favors and accepting all that you are and how you treat me. I hope someday you feel how it is to be me. I hope you grow up one day and realize how much your life is a mess and then regret the way you were treating me. I hope one day you wake up and see me for what I really am, not just your booty call but a woman with feelings. I am already hurting too much, and even I am surprised that I could take this much pain in my heart. I have been holding on for too long because I'm still hoping you'll change. But I guess you never will. I am tired, Ive been saying this even in my past blogs, I am so emotionally physically mentally tired of your games. I want to say that I am giving up, but I am afraid that I might eat my words one day. But I guess there is nothing I can do but try. I am gonna try to change not for you but for myself. I'm really hoping that you change too. But I guess you never will.

i guess its really time to say goodbye..

I'm Already Gone

I think its enough that you changed me

you changed everything in me

the way i think and the things i do

I am thankful for all the things you did for me

and the way you made me feel

you were someone special

and ill never forget you, thats a promise

but right now i have to love myself more

coz the sad truth is that i love you more than i love me

i need to love myself more

to be able to do that, i have to let you go

in every corner of my mind

i have to let go the memories of you

well i know you wouldn't care at all

you wouldn't even notice if i disappear

so this is final

for the last time

I NEED TO

I SHOULD

AND I HAVE TO

LET YOU GO.

goodbye kris

it was fun while it lasted

Tired, Tired Tired!

im tired im tired im fucking tired!

im tired of putting in more effort than i deserve.

im tired of craving for your attention.

im tired of loving you more and more each and everyday

and yet you dont even give a fuck damn shit!

im tired of it all.

im tired of you.

im tired of my thoughts of you.

im tired of my feelings for you, you dont even deserve it.

im tired of feeling like a dog stalking your every move.

im tired of waiting and waiting and then waiting.

IM TIRED! SO FUCK YOU! IM LEAVING YOU!

SANA HINDI NALANG KITA NAKILALA. IKAW ANG PINAKAMALAKING MISTAKE NA NANGYARE SA BUHAY KO.

Please Love Me Back

here comes the morning again. the sun's about to shine. i'm about to wake up.

can't i just sleep forever? can't the night just remain forever?

I want to close my eyes. I don't want to see anything.

please don't act like this. you don't know how much this pains me.

I'm standing right here and yet you don't even see me.

don't you care at all? Was I the only one who fall?

can't you even look at me? all i'm asking is just a second.

I look tired and I'm a disaster, but I am here.

unrequited i know i am, but you're free to love me back.

you're free to love me back... so can you please love me back?

story of my love life. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBk3ynRbtsw

written by: ianthe

i miss you so much! can you help me how to let you go? can you teach me not to want you more? its been a week since we last talked and it really feels like forever in my world.

so here i am. im just gonna go and hide and cry now okay? k thx bye

April 25 2011

[03:23] <__> d ako ngbibiro nung sinabi ko i cant resist u

[03:23] <__> kasi once kinausap na kita

[03:23] <__> time goes by so fast

[03:23] <__> d ko namamalayan

[03:23] <__> and i cant have that

[03:24] <__> in my world..where books are your bestfriend..

[03:24] <__> transes are your vitamins..

[03:24] <__> lectures are your supplements..

[03:24] <__> gets?

[03:25] <__> so one day.. pag d ako nkarep

[03:25] <__> dont feel bad

[03:25] <``> :)

[03:25] <__> it's just a day

[03:25] <__> there's always the next day.. =)

NASAN NA YUNG NEXT DAY? DI NA DUMATING. PARANG EVERYDAY IS ALWAYS JUST A DAY. HINDI NA DUMATING YUNG NEXT DAY.

I know that the guy that sent me these messages is still down there inside of you

K (5/6/2011 1:58:18 AM): gus2 ko na ng complicated

K (5/6/2011 1:58:24 AM): pagbibigyan mo ba ako?

K (5/6/2011 2:00:40 AM): d ako lasing

K (5/6/2011 2:00:47 AM): alam ko pinagsasabi ko

K (5/6/2011 2:01:13 AM): naisip ko lng kasi masyado akong maraming opportunity na sinasayang

I (5/6/2011 2:01:30 AM): hah??

K (5/6/2011 2:01:34 AM): and i feel na ok tau pero mag aaway tau lagi

K (5/6/2011 2:01:40 AM): pero ok tau

K (5/6/2011 2:09:58 AM): after our eb..

K (5/6/2011 2:10:02 AM): let's try dating..

I (5/6/2011 2:10:17 AM): hmmmmmm

I (5/6/2011 2:10:24 AM): complicated yun.

I (5/6/2011 2:10:30 AM): hehehe

K (5/6/2011 2:10:37 AM): i know..

I (5/6/2011 2:10:53 AM): and....?

K (5/6/2011 2:11:17 AM): i dont even know if i can stand it knowing na you have other guys out there..hahaha

K (5/6/2011 2:11:27 AM): but who cares.. i just wanna try being with you

K (5/6/2011 2:11:36 AM): if it works.. then it works

K (5/6/2011 2:11:49 AM): pero sa tingin ko tlga away tau ng away

I (5/6/2011 2:12:27 AM): are you sure you're not gonna wake up tomorrow and not regret saying all this things?

K (5/6/2011 2:12:38 AM): maybe i will.. maybe i wont..

I (5/6/2011 2:13:24 AM): ayoko replayan yung mga sinasabi mo coz im afraid na pag nagising ka tomorrow, bigla kang matauhan and bawiin mo lahat ng sinabi mo, and then i'd ffeel like a total fool.

K (5/6/2011 2:13:40 AM): hahaha.. just think about it then

Namimiss ko na yung nagsabi sakin nito

"ikaw ung girl na who wants to have guys in her life, who wants to flirt with everybody.. pero deep inside, she's this girl na worth more than she think she is..siguro dhil lng un sa life experiences nya, or something that she cant completely trust a person.. maybe she's stuck somewhere, where she cant seem to find her way.. pero she is more than she actually seems.. you're like raw diamond that just need some work and polishing to produce a beautiful diamond worth more than anything else in this world"

Color me blue im lost in you, I don't know why i am still waiting for you.

Update Shit

So kami na ni AF for about a week now, everything is going smooth naman and i am happy. :) the only problem is, sumasali nanaman sa picture si toot. kung kailan may bf na ako. and up to now hindi pa din niya alam na may bf na ako. confused much?!

Mal Ol He Jo

I FUCKING LOVE YOU!! ANG TANGA TANGA MO LANG KASI EH!

True or False

Napakaraming rason para maging masaya

Pero pinipili pa rin natin yung isang rason para maging malungkot

From Tumblr

Fall in love, fall out of love

Fall in love, fall out of love

Fall in love, fall out of love

Do this all over and over again until you

know what it really is to love someone.

Another Short Convo

: ian question

: cnu pipiliin mu

: taong mahal mu or taong mahal k?

: hmmm

: yung taong mahal ko ba eh hindi ako mahal?

: it doesn't matter

: bsta cnu mas pipiliin mu s knila

: yung taong mahal ko

: hmmm

: ok

: napunta na ako sa situation na yan eh

: ang pinili ko yung taong mahal ko

: oh

: kmusta ung situation n un

: hindi nagwork

: kasi mas mahal ko siya

: kesa sa mahal niya ako

: pero for a time nung pinili ko sya naging masaya naman ako

: kaso sandali lang

: pero kasi kung ano pipiliin ko eh yung taong mahal ako, mas lalong hindi ako magiging masaya kung hindi ko siya mahal

: ang*

: ok

: parang ganito yan, kagabe nalaman ko na mahal pa rin ako ni ****

: pero mas pipiliin ko si ****** kesa kay ****

: kasi si ****** yung gusto ko

: kahit na walang assurance na mahal din ako ni ******

: kasi pag pinili ko si ****, lolokohin ko lang sarili ko

: bakit mo natanong?

: wla lng

: tinitignan ko lng mga reaction ng mga tao s tanung n yan

: parang nalalman ko tuloy pgkatao nyo hehehehe

: ahhh

: anong sagot ng majority?

: ung mahal daw nila

: ah pareho ko din

: may sumagot ba ng yung mahal sila?

: oo

: girl

: at mukhang ok nman dahilan nya

: hulaan ko

: kasi madedevelop naman siya

: at matututunan niyang mahalin yung lalake?

: yup

: eh ang tanong paano kung hindi?

: hmmm

: naiicip p b ntin yan kpag may pinili n tyo?

: maybe lng ah

: its not wat we want

: maybe its wat we needed and wat we were looking for all dis tym

: para sakin kasi

: i mean sa tingin ko

: hindi ka nagmamahal ng tao para mahalin ka din niya in return

: nagmamahal ka kasi mahal mo siya at wala ka ng magagawa dahil yun ang nararamdaman mo

: so kahit na di ako mahal ng tao na mahal ko, siya ang pipiliin ko kasi siya ang mahal ko

: bakit ko pipiliin ang tao na hindi ko naman mahal?

: purke ba mahal niya ako, eh pano kung di naman ako magiging masaya

: pipilitin ko pa ang sarili ko na matutunan siyang mahalin

: pwede ka naman magmahal ng tao kahit hindi ka niya mahal eh

: ok

: so u trust by ur FEELINGS to sumone?

: ikaw? nagmamahal ka ba ng tao para lang mahalin ka din niya in return?

: magagalit ka ba kung di ka niya mahal? dapat ba purke mahal mo siya dapat mahal ka na din niya?

: hindi naman kasi ganon ang buhay diba?

: uhm

: iicipin ko p b un

: mahal ko xa kc mahal ko xa

: flaws or shortcomings, ndi mu n yan maiicip eh

: gnito

: as a guy

: mas maganda kung may paninindigan k s choice mu

: kc at least, ndi k mamumublema kung mahal k nya or ndi

: dats y we take risks

: o eh bakit ka nagkakaganyan kay ***? gusto mo siya pero di ka niya gusto diba? bakit ka naaapektohan?

: immature ako

: period

: kung gusto mo sya for the sake na gusto mo siya

: edi dapat di ka nagkakaganyan

: dapat content ka na na gusto mo siya

: at yun lang yun.

serious or playtime

you gotta make up your mind. its either serious ka, or playtime ka.

pero yung pineplaytime mo siguraduhin mo na di ka siniserious

kasi pag siniserious ka at pinaplaytime mo lang yon, magulo yon.

-now that i have you 2004

why do we hurt the people that means most?

ang sama ko!

ang tanga tanga ko! i am so stupid! bakit ngayon ko lang nakita? bat kasi ngayon lang!? bat hindi ko nabasa kaagad? ang tanga ko! bat hindi niya sinabi sakin? bat di niya pinabasa sakin? ngayon tuloy parang ang sama sama ko. hindi ko tuloy dapat ginawa yun. nagteks ka pala. akala ko hindi. hindi naman kasi sinabi. hindi ko naman kasi hawak yung sun. im sorry. im so sorry. di ko na alam kung paano tayo magbabati ulit. ano pa bang dapat kong gawin? im sorry. i really am.

Do not be afraid to fall in love again.... and again. =)

Waiting for Something?

I don't get it. What are you waiting for? I simply don't get it. Complications suck! What do I have to do for you to make a move? What else do I have to do to make you mine? I already did everything that I can. I gave you everything that I have and yet, still not enough? What more do you want? What more do you need? You're really making me scared you know. I am really scared of what might happen. I can already see it. I hope what I am envisioning won't come true. I really do hope that what I am scared of won't come true. Would you please, for God's sake, MAKE A MOVE!

I started it

ang skait sakit na nga ng ulo ko, likod ko, batok ko, hita ko at paa ko sa pagdadrive ng apat at kalahating oras, dadagdagan mo pa ng sakit sa puso! OUCH. kill me nalang kaya? baka less painful pa yun.

She or Me?

It's either I stay and she goes OR she stays and I go. take your pick.

standing still

oo, nasasaktan nga ako. nasasaktan na ako. akala ko kaya ko pa magpakamanhid. pero niloloko ko lang pala sarili ko. nakikipag-gaguhan ako sa sarili ko. ang sakit sakit na. ayoko naaaaaaaaaa!!!

Trust Issues

Can you tell me what the hell his problem is? He keeps on asking me about what i did today, where I went, Who I am with.... just everything about my day for about 2 weeks now! It really makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward. Is he my bodyguard now or my father? I am thankful that he is concerned but its just too much! Its too damn much. Like, what the hell? Don't you trust me? Do you think I am the type of person that would do something stupid everyday for the rest of my life?! Come on!! Stop it okay!?

First of all, you are not my father, my bodyguard nor my boyfriend. Second of all..caring..shmaring! Whatever! I get it, you care.. BUT YOU CARE TOO MUCH! It's not helpful, you're not helping! You know what you're doing? You make me want to lie more! You make me want to do stupid things everyday! I don't know. I'm fucked up with my life but then again, thanks for the concern.

Iridescent

I think the problem was with me. I was so desperate in putting a name or a definition to what we have that along the way i lost myself. Now I've realized that I shouldn't over think about the situation that we're in. Since he is not worrying about it, then maybe i shouldn't either. I admit that I am not contented with what we have right now but maybe someday.. someday.. i don't know. Whatever happens happens. It's just weird though, were like a couple but were not. We date, we talk, we cuddle but we're clearly not a couple. Oh well, i just hope that I wouldn't hurt myself in the end.

I'm just going with the flow right now. I'm happy when I'm with him and time passes by so fast when were together that i can't keep up with myself. I wish it would just stop for a moment so that i could take it all in first. Don't get me wrong, I don't love him. that is not what I am feeling...... but I like him and I'm happy with that. I don't know what's gonna happen next but the hell with it. I'm happy like this and I guess he is too, so there. that 's that!

Complicated?

sabi siya ng sabi ng complicated

na ayaw daw niya

tapos sabi ko sakaniya kagabe

kung ayaw mo ng complicated edi dapat hindi ka gumagawa ng complicated situations

tapos sabi ko pa, kung ayaw mo talaga ng complicated, dapat nilayuan mo na ako, dapat hindi ka na nagteteks, or di na dapat tayo nagkikita

tapos sabi lang niya "bakit? ayaw mo na ba na magusap tayo at magkita?"

sabi ko gusto.. pero tangina! ako yung nahihirapan

______________________________________________________________

eh ako, yung feeling na di mo alam kung nasan ka

yung feeling na di mo macontrol yung situation

yung feeling na masyadong complicated na hindi na nakakatuwa

yung feeling na ang sakit sakit kasi parang pinapaasa ka sa wala

yung di mo sigurado kung pinaglalaruan ka lang ba

di mo sigurado kung kaya ba siya ganito sakin eh dahil gusto niya ako o gusto niya lang nung feeling na binibigay ko sakaniya

hindi ka sigurado kung ikaw ba talaga yung gusto, yung pagkatao mo ba

or yung flirtiness lang na nabibigay ko sakaniya ang gusto niya

na ang sakit sakit na kasi ang dami dami kong nararamdaman

na hindi ko naman alam kung alin ang paniniwalaan

na mapapamura ka nalang sa sobrang pagkagulo at pagka confuse

kasi hindi mo alam kung nasan ka ba talaga sakaniya

na ang sakit sakit na talaga.

sobra sobra

Short Convo w/ Insy

insy: may allowable rate of tears ka lang na pwede iiyak for a certain person.

me: thats a nice thing to say insy.

me: but sadly, di pa din nauubos ang tears ko for him :(

insy: thats a sad thing to say insy.